Crush. Is it just crush or something deeper? I don't know. It's like being attached to somebody like crazy. It's like you'll be dying to see him. It's really like that. But sometimes things get complicated. When you get friend-zoned, it actually happens. It really hurts, like, the worst feeling you'll ever experience. But whatever happen, you gotta be strong.
Well, I don't even know how to start this. I was just 13 years old when it started. I met him before, but I didn't expect that it will be deeper. To be clear, he's not my batchmate. He is a senior student. He is my inspiration in writing this.
So it started when I met him last Communication Arts Week. I was a facilitator at The Amazing Race. We were divided into groups and he was my group leader. The first thing that came into my mind was he's gay. An awkward moment happened to me last year. I was going to ask my classmate what to do on a project. I hurriedly typed his name and I accidentally entered the wrong one. I didn't even notice until that guy said he didn't know me. After several months, I met him in a celebration of a very important event of English Club. I was so embarrassed I haven't answered any of his questions.
I even thought it would end up there. I had another wrong sent message. He viewed my profile and he recognized me. He said he can remember me from The Amazing Race. We chatted for an hour. I told my friend about it and she was like "There something beneath.". Yes, it developed. So he was my crush. I told my friend again. She said "See?". Every night we're chatting. He even told me that he was infatuated to his bestfriend. And all he knew is I have a crush on my batchmate. I was so inspired I can smile like a dog.
It's been a month since my feelings developed. As I was scrolling down on Facebook, I saw this post which broke my heart. I was friend-zoned, but it's unofficial and unintentional. He doesn't even know that I like him. To my surprise, that news spread already faster than the rotation of earth! I was so down I can't even smile. Even anime couldn't make me smile or laugh. I'm so depressed, wishing I didn't open my account so I wouldn't be hurt. The worst of it, I got jealous when I saw them together. I can't even focus on my studies. I was lost, lost in the shadow of his soul. I don't know what to do. Some say I should tell him, some say no. When I changed my profile picture, he liked it. I felt happiness and satisfaction. I'm happy he still doesn't know how I feel for him. I'm satisfied of being his friend. At least I didn't lose him even though he's not mine. But in the end I'm still his friend and I do appreciate his efforts for her (his bestfriend).
As of now, I'm happy that we're okay. I think I'll tell him my feelings when he graduated. I just think I'm still young and I've been strong despite many circumstances. It's really hard being a high school student. But I am so thankful I met him. At least, I have an inspiration. For now, it's love.
I finally realized how important he is. He even borrowed a book for me. He taught me to sing during flag ceremonies and flag retreats. He's so kind to me. And all I know is I'm so in love with him.
It's like a diary, but for me it's a journal. Well, I am not assuming that he will like me too. To sum it up, I'm going to support him in every decision he makes. I'll be a true friend to him. I'm happy when he's happy, and I'm sad when he's sad. He's like an older brother to me. I hope that he'll like this composition when he read this.
*this composition is not updated about what's happening
**i don't think i'll let him read this
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